ABC Feature: Why Sarah and Lily started a peer support group for Australians who've experienced an abortion.

Sarah and Lily have been friends since they were five, but a recent shared experience took their relationship to "a whole new level".

After they both had an abortion a year apart, the women — now in their mid-20s — became integral to one another's journeys.

For Sarah, talking to someone who knew what it was like to have an abortion felt more affirming than conversations with well-meaning psychologists and family. For Lily, supporting Sarah through her abortion a year after her own was "really healing" in a way she hadn't expected.

Recognising that there may be others who could benefit from the same connections they set up The Abortion Project, a peer support group in Perth believed to be one of the first of its kind in Australia.

While Sarah's since moved to Darwin, the pair are keen to expand the service nationally.

This is their story, in their own words.

Lily’s story

I'll always remember the first time I set eyes on Sarah.

She was wearing this long flamenco style skirt and these huge runners, with her little glasses. And I just remember being like: "That is a f****** cool person. And I want to be friends with her".

She's one of those friends who I consider a part of my identity. She was always someone who I just didn't need to filter anything with, and I wasn't scared to talk to her about stuff.

Our abortions were a new shared understanding between us, and changed our friendship.

I realised I was pregnant in 2017, and I knew straight away that I wanted to have an abortion.

I ended up opting for a medical abortion.

It was very, very painful in a way that I wasn't expecting it to be.

And I felt very isolated at that time, sort of just like in my own head.

When you're having an abortion, you're making a big decision that sort of represents a fork in the road. And you're always thinking about this parallel universe where you made a different decision.

So it was a bit trippy when my due date came around to think: I would be giving birth to a human right now.

I remember myself just being like an absolute punisher and cornering people at parties trying to talk to them about it. I was desperate to talk to others about their experience, because I just had a lot of feelings and reflections about it.

I would have loved to have had something like The Abortion Project. It would have changed my recovery process, it would have made me feel less alone.

There's sadness, there's grief, there's a whole range of emotions that come out in our sessions. But a lot of the time we just have massive belly laughs.

I think that's such an important aspect of it, because it just kind of normalises it, and relaxes you. And it makes you want to come back.

Sarah’s story

Lily was the one that I called first when I found out I was pregnant.

I was in some random hostel in Malaysia, bought a bunch of pregnancy tests, and did them in the shared hostel bathroom.

It was kind of surreal, but I flew back home almost immediately.

I had a surgical abortion, so for me, the physical pain was like non-existent.

But I did struggle mentally.

I didn't know straight away that I wanted to have an abortion, I maybe had like two weeks of indecision, where I had a lot of fantasies that were completely unrealistic.

I had this really short mullet at the time, and I was wearing pretty masc clothes. And I used to look at myself in the mirror and imagine how cool I would look with a big belly and a bum bag.

But at some point I just went to my partner: I'm having an abortion.

And saying that out loud quelled all my anxiety. So I just stayed on that path.

Afterwards, I struggled a lot with grief and loss.

On one hand, I didn't regret having an abortion. But on the other, I really wanted the baby that I had imagined.

Now, I don't use the term baby. But I definitely used that term then.

Lily and I started The Abortion Project in 2021, by having a session with each other.

We'd sit in Lily's backyard and go through topics we found hard or challenging, to see what would come up for us, and that shaped how we structured the sessions for the group.

It's been going every fortnight since then, and we've had our membership grow. Some of the people who came to the very first session are now facilitating.

I think the best advice I've received about my abortion was a doctor who said to me: "Just know that you will be an amazing support for your friends in the future, who inevitably go through this".

I just thought that was amazing, because it externalises your experience.

I feel empowered now. Like my abortion is a power source within me, with an ability to change things.